Flowers, Platters, & Cakes… Oh My…

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OyWedding Planning is… a full-time job… an overwhelming task… exhausting.  Every time I have started to plan over the last few months I have found something more pressing (fun) to do.  We started new jobs, we got an apartment, and in all of the we-are-all-grown-up excitement we had completely forgotten to plan our wedding… and then we were seven months out with only a ceremony space and an officiant to speak of.  Granted, that’s probably all we really need to be married, but it is not even remotely close to what we need to have a wedding.

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Pinterest had definitely become a close friend, from the comfort of my couch wedding planning seemed like a breeze, all I had to do was ‘Pin It’ and everything seemed to come together.  Then I realized I was totally wasting my time, one Pin at a time.  Sure, Pinterest can be a great resource for ideas, as long as there’s some sort of focus.  However, looking back at my wedding board it was all over the place, and very little truly spoke to what our wedding was about.  So my fiance and I sat down, we talked about our priorities and what would feel both meaningful and comfortable.  Yet, that seemed to be the easy part.  We made decisions, but something generally got in the way.  There were a lot of arguments (not between the two of us) and a lot of strong dissenting opinions (again, not between the two of us).  Our florist shrugged and told us it was par for the course, but why did it have to be that way?  My fiance cared about having a meaningful ceremony, that is what mattered to us both.  Thereafter we wanted to celebrate our union, the blessed event commemorating our great luck in finding each other, with family and friends so close they were practically family, but that seemed inconsistent with the opinions of many who wanted a lavish wedding with an endless invite list.

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As you may know I never really dreamt about a wedding, so I don’t really get all of the hoopla.  I don’t judge anyone who spends hours oohing and ahing centerpieces (okay, maybe I do a little bit), but I just don’t get it.  However, knowing G-d led me to my soulmate and solidifying that commitment before loved ones in our Temple moves me.  I want a deeply meaningful ceremony, a ceremony that reflects who we are as individuals and who we are as a couple, a ceremony which reflects that we make each other better people and that we are better together.   I am eager for that moment, I am eager to look into Greg’s eyes and vow my commitment to him for eternity, to assure him with that one look that I will be with him through all of life’s difficulties.  So I have labored over Jewish wedding books, I have googled wedding traditions from our varied backgrounds, and I have considered what would be meaningful to us both.

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Some days I feel like we have made great progress, some days I feel like we have taken ten steps back, but if I just focus on putting together a meaningful wedding I know that things will fall into place and those near and dear to us will feel the joy in our union and have a great time.  There is a Yiddish saying “No ketubah was ever signed without an argument.”  As Anita Diamant points out in The New Jewish Wedding “[t]he result of all of this learning, choosing, and even arguing is much more than a glorious party.  As rites of passage, weddings clarify and express a great deal about the people under the huppah.  A wedding is a public announcement and demonstration of who you are as a couple.  When you draw on Jewish tradition -borrowing, revising, even rejecting, in essence struggling to create meaning with it- the tradition becomes yours.”

 

 

 

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